Things to say when you get pulled over

[Gaara愛]

1. Whats the officer problem?
2. Im not slurring my words, im speakin in cursive
3. My parents told me not to talk to strangers
4. "Have you been drinking tonight?" Maybe one or two rootbeers
5. (learn sign language)
6. I swear to drunk, im not god.

[Me]

7. OCCIFER! OCCIFER! You want some booze too? TO BAD! YOU ONLY GET BOO HOOS! <-- Courtesy of my brother.

TRUE STORY!! Once my Grandpa's brother Mike... Maybe it was Jim... I dunno, but one of them got pulled over for drunk driving. He was asked to get out of the car and walk in a straight line. Mike/Jim got out of the car, turned to the officer, and said "Why don't I pee in a straight line for you? I've been holding it for hours!" and then he peed on the officer and was arrested. It cracked me up when I heard that story.

[Gaara愛]

OMG, imma tell my friends that one next year in school if we ever get on this topic again! Thats great.

[Newone8]

No, I's not drunk, occiffer!

[Dark Heart]

No officer, it's Hi how are you!

[HiddenFaith]

Don't you think its rude to stop people on their way to work and make them late and possibly lose their job? Yeah, so do I.

[Newone8]

I'm not slurring my words, I'm speaking in cursive.

[HiddenFaith]

Oh hey, what did I do this time?

[Dark Heart]

Hey Jerry hows the kids?
(The onee time it does work it will be mind blowing)

[Me]

"I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO WATCH THE STATION WHILE I WAS GONE! WHATCHA DOIN' PULLIN' ME OVER FOR?"

[Newone8]

"I swear to drunk I'm not god!"

[HiddenFaith]

Don't you have better things to do then harass pretty little ladies on their way to work, pervert!

[Me]

"No... You stopped ALL the cars." and just walk away.

Lol, a sort-of-kind-of-not-really reference to the story in this video: [youtube] [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] [/youtube]
I remember it was on the news for weeks. My grandma in Germany kept yelling her head off whenever it was brought up because she got stuck on a train until they got all the trains back on which supposedly took a long time and made her late for some mystery event that she won't tell me about.

[Guest]

Can i help you? if not get out of my way thank you

[HiddenFaith]

Uh... it wasn't me. I swear!

[Newone8]

It's an emergency! My wife has a hair appointment in three minutes and if we don't get there in time I'm toast!

[HiddenFaith]

Was I going to fast? I'm sorry next time my daughter is having an allergic reaction I'll go five miles under the speed limit just to make you happy.

[Demon]

I have 3 I wish to share:

1: "I was racing home to watch Cops."
2: "I thought you wanted to race."
3: "I was driving to the doughnut shop to get you guys doughnuts."

[KyarokoDragon]

I got lost and I... was.. trying to find the road again. Sorry for not being able to see how fast I was going, since I was looking for the road,

[ArcticFox]

I'm driving too fast...? Then how were you able to pull in front of me to get my attention?

[HiddenFaith]

It's an emergency! I swear! My kid- Nevermind we're good now.

[ArcticFox]

Excuse me officer, do you mind if I use your trunk real quick because you stopped me from making it to any other bathroom.

[Demon]

Officer, you see the reason I was driving so fast was because I saw a=

SQUIRREL!

[ArcticFox]

I'm sorry officer, apparently my friend who has been shot is not as important as I thought, I'll follow the speed limit now.

[Demon]

Okay, I have a HUGE list now and I TOTALLY didn't get these off the internet...totally.

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

2. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

3. Aren't you the guy-from the Village People band?

4. Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me. Good job.

5. I though you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.

6. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

7. Bad cop, no donut.

8. You're not going to check the trunk are you?

9. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.

10. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on COPS?

11. Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriends night stand.

12. Is it true that people become cops because they're too dumb to work at McDonalds?

13. I pay your salary.

14. So uh, you on the take or what?

15. Gee officer, that's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning.

16. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us knows.

17. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around, that's how far ahead they are.

18. What do you mean, "Have I been drinking?" YOU'RE the trained specialist.

19. Well officer, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

20. Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum.

21. Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?

22. No, YOU assume the position.

23. I'm surprised you stopped me, Dunkin Donuts is having a 3 for 1 special!

24. If I bend over, will I still get a ticket?

25. No, offi, offic, lucifer...I'm not as think you are drunk I am. I swear to dog.

26. No, I don't know how fast I was going. The little needle stops at 110mph.

27. Back off Barney, I've got a piece.

28. But officer, I've got 2 different drivers licenses from 2 different states! Pick ONE!

29. I know I was weaving, but I was trying to hit all the little green men!

30. On the way to the station, let's get a six pack, oh and don't forget the cigs.

31. Come on, write the stupid ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes!

32. Hey, wasn't your daughter a porn queen?

33. How long is this going to take? Your wife is expecting me.

34. So that's what those yellow flashing lights in the school zone mean?

35. What do you use those rubber gloves for anyway?

[Sponsored content]